A Post-processualist practices medicine (re-cycled from my Facebook site)

10.00 am Patient brought by nurse to doctor.

10.01 am Doctor wonders if she herself exists; decides she probably does on the basis of cogito ergo sum.

10.10 am Doctor now wonders if nurse exists.

10.15 am Doctor now wonders if patient exists; after 5 minutes agrees to suppose she does as working hypothesis.

10.20 am Patient says she wishes to consult doctor, if indeed she is a doctor and not an agent of cultural hegemony representing a neo-capitalist state.

10.21 am Doctor says she is just a doctor.

10.25 am Doctor asks about past medical history.

10.30 am Patient says that to recover her past would be impossible and suspect.

10.32 am Doctor says she proposes to observe patient’s skin for help in making a diagnosis.

10.33 am Patient says that she consider the concept of an impartial, value free observer to be ‘a dangerous myth’.

10.34 am Patient further says that she is not a landscape to be examined in a ‘voyeuristic and androcentric’ way.

10.37 am Doctor starts to revise her working hypothesis that patient exists. On the other hand if she does not exist does a salary cheque exist?

10.40 am Nurse states he has been trained at the ‘Frankfort School’ of critical theory. He claims that to seek ‘objective’ knowledge is illusory. Furthermore he says that there is no such thing as an objective fact. Furthermore he says that the patient should go private.

10.41 am Patient and doctor jointly shout ‘Hermaneutics!’.  Nurse asked to leave the room.

10.42 am Doctor writes prescription.

10.50 am Patient takes prescription to pharmacist who deconstructs its meaning and supplies pills.

10.55 am Patient takes pill, turns blue and falls to floor.

10.59 am Doctor feels that this must be symbolic of something.

11.00 am Doctor realises that it is symbolic of patient being an ex-patient.


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